“Here I stand.” In the beginning there was a longing for taking up a position. Thick, yellow, centered. And then the “problems” started: How big can this point of view be? How much space can it take up on the paper? How much space must I leave for the world in which I take my position? The frame determines the size – so it’s an organizational problem as well as a perceived one.
Then the “solidity”… Swinging big circles – how hard that is if you’re not used to that movement. Getting an inkling of what the calligraphers of the East describe as an inner learning process when, after a long period of practice, they are finally capable of laying down a perfect circle in one stroke. Appreciation.
In circling I discover that it’s all about the transitions and the boundaries again: How firmly do I need to stand on a point of view? Is it inhibiting to open myself to transitions? Is it beneficial to embrace new impulses? How permanent is one’s own standing point? The only permanent thing is change – that much is already clear. And so the color in the absolute center may change all at once. My mind is not able to offer me a solution at this moment. This act causes fear all at once. It requires courage and intuition. I need several attempts. Applying and removing. Correcting screw-ups. Waiting for the base to dry. Holding my breath. Making another attempt and trying another outcome.
Relaxing. I am not satisfied with today’s result. I wish the transitions were smoother, more flowing. On this sheet today everything is far too static and tightened. The picture in front of my inner eye is the state as I wish it to be. What is visible on the sheet obviously corresponds to the state I am in right now: Being able to take a stand and hold it for the time being. How nice that tomorrow I will have a new, empty sheet in front of me. It seems to me that I have a whole series of circle paintings coming up. I am already looking forward to it and remain curious.
